Alcohol has been a crutch for me for sixty years, starting as a cure for social anxiety as a teenager and never leaving me. Although never a heavy drinker, it's been there for me as part of every bad decision I've ever made.
We each come to these realizations in different ways. For some, it's a magazine article and a chance meeting. For others, like me, it's of all things my sports watch doubling as a sleep tracker. I'm a scientist and I can't ignore the evidence in the data. Alcohol depresses my sleep quality, my heart rate variability, and my recovery; and increases my resting heart rate, my respiration rate, and my stress level. With cardiovascular disease and dementia in my family, it's time to pay attention. Plus, I've never, not even once, woken up thinking I wish I'd had more alcohol the night before. I'm also, of all things, losing my taste for it, actually preferring NA beer over the "real thing." And since figuring out that I'm autistic, I understand the roots of my social anxiety and curate my life to minimize it.
So, I'm not saying never; just much less, maybe none.
Thanks John. I know social anxiety as a middle school student was a big motivator when I started drinking in eighth grade or so. For the first time, I wasn't scared to death! I could call the head cheerleader a bitch and make her cry! It's really taken me all these years without drinking to find out other ways to mitigate anxiety. Good for you for working this out for yourself - via a sports watch! I love that!
John I want to chime in and say good for you! Here for any support you need. The social anxiety thing was always a factor for me. It still is in a way - it’s just that I now know what my limitations are. I didn’t realize you had been diagnosed with autism. I feel like my neurodivergence (undiagnosed) is a factor in this, too. But there are ways to manage without alcohol! Yay to Kirie for writing this!
Thanks Susie! People are reaching out even off-Substack via messages and gmail. I love how the networking works "when you work it." Sending total support to John too.
I'm self-diagnosed, but when I figured it out my life made sense for the first time - at 70! Better Iate than never. Now that I've been able to take the pressure off myself to fit in in places I'm not comfortable, much of the anxiety is gone, so I no longer need to self-medicate to cope. It's mostly habit and muscle memory at this point. I'm working on retraining my brain!
That is really admirable John. Some time I’ll pick your brain about how you self - diagnosed the autism. But I’m so glad it has helped you navigate things better!
Such an amazing story, an amazing journey. I love that it currently pools into the support group you organized. Nice to be reminded of your work with Annie Dillard ❤️.
That's right, Cynthia. I told you about Annie Dillard when I first started reading "Catching Days" so long ago. So glad to remain in touch now and even to have appeared in your wonderful artist/writer tribute blog - now Substack.
So happy to read this. Recovery in a beautiful nutshell. Happy 23rd year of the life you were meant to live! You have so much to give, and I'm grateful for your talent, your honesty and your sobriety. And your friendship. It's Monday and I know you are in town, which makes me happy. Stay in touch.
Kirie thank you so much for sharing your story! I’m so glad to get a chance to “hear” it and see your strength and bravery. And of course, lovely writing. Wonderful that you studied with Annie Dillard!
Thanks, Kirie.
Alcohol has been a crutch for me for sixty years, starting as a cure for social anxiety as a teenager and never leaving me. Although never a heavy drinker, it's been there for me as part of every bad decision I've ever made.
We each come to these realizations in different ways. For some, it's a magazine article and a chance meeting. For others, like me, it's of all things my sports watch doubling as a sleep tracker. I'm a scientist and I can't ignore the evidence in the data. Alcohol depresses my sleep quality, my heart rate variability, and my recovery; and increases my resting heart rate, my respiration rate, and my stress level. With cardiovascular disease and dementia in my family, it's time to pay attention. Plus, I've never, not even once, woken up thinking I wish I'd had more alcohol the night before. I'm also, of all things, losing my taste for it, actually preferring NA beer over the "real thing." And since figuring out that I'm autistic, I understand the roots of my social anxiety and curate my life to minimize it.
So, I'm not saying never; just much less, maybe none.
Good luck. ❤️
Thanks John. I know social anxiety as a middle school student was a big motivator when I started drinking in eighth grade or so. For the first time, I wasn't scared to death! I could call the head cheerleader a bitch and make her cry! It's really taken me all these years without drinking to find out other ways to mitigate anxiety. Good for you for working this out for yourself - via a sports watch! I love that!
John I want to chime in and say good for you! Here for any support you need. The social anxiety thing was always a factor for me. It still is in a way - it’s just that I now know what my limitations are. I didn’t realize you had been diagnosed with autism. I feel like my neurodivergence (undiagnosed) is a factor in this, too. But there are ways to manage without alcohol! Yay to Kirie for writing this!
Thanks Susie! People are reaching out even off-Substack via messages and gmail. I love how the networking works "when you work it." Sending total support to John too.
yay!
Thank you so much, Susie.
I'm self-diagnosed, but when I figured it out my life made sense for the first time - at 70! Better Iate than never. Now that I've been able to take the pressure off myself to fit in in places I'm not comfortable, much of the anxiety is gone, so I no longer need to self-medicate to cope. It's mostly habit and muscle memory at this point. I'm working on retraining my brain!
Oh wow thank you.
That is really admirable John. Some time I’ll pick your brain about how you self - diagnosed the autism. But I’m so glad it has helped you navigate things better!
That's an easy answer. I read this piece in the Guardian. My children haven't been diagnosed either, but I see it, and in my late father.
Then I read Katherine May's The Electricity of Everything Thing, and I was sure!
Such an amazing story, an amazing journey. I love that it currently pools into the support group you organized. Nice to be reminded of your work with Annie Dillard ❤️.
That's right, Cynthia. I told you about Annie Dillard when I first started reading "Catching Days" so long ago. So glad to remain in touch now and even to have appeared in your wonderful artist/writer tribute blog - now Substack.
So happy to read this. Recovery in a beautiful nutshell. Happy 23rd year of the life you were meant to live! You have so much to give, and I'm grateful for your talent, your honesty and your sobriety. And your friendship. It's Monday and I know you are in town, which makes me happy. Stay in touch.
Thanks dear Allegra. I think of you every day and am so grateful to have read your husband's poetry. Sending love.
Wow. Beautifully told. My mother never even tried to stop. She died of cirrhosis at 59. I’m so impressed with your spirit.
Thanks, Cristiana!
Kirie thank you so much for sharing your story! I’m so glad to get a chance to “hear” it and see your strength and bravery. And of course, lovely writing. Wonderful that you studied with Annie Dillard!